what can i say?

This is a random rant of the week. If you already have a terrible day. Please don't read this. It aint gonna make your day any better but ten times worse.

Sorry, i really need to get things off my chest.

There have been so much happening lately. I don't even know where to begin. All i know is that all these things are slowly munching and feasting on the little energy still left of me. Forget about futsal practice, or squash practice, i'm talking about stuffs that bug your mind and bothers your conscience. Yes, everyone has been blowing their heads off trying to come out with a solution that would make everybody happy. But truth is, you can never please anyone, can you?

*****

I know i haven't been the very steady friend that you've always wanted me to be. I'm sorry for always being afraid to pick a side. Sad to say, i am a little timid. And i apologise for being a coward. But i'll never ever betray you, just in case you had any doubts about that. I know you're going through kind of a rough path yourself, just so you know i'll always be behind you, supporting you and defending you no matter what. I've been wanting to say this for a long time, so here goes...

" hey buddy, i've got your back! Don't worry... :) "

*****

I know i have been too selfish. All i care about is what i want. I'm sorry if you had to walk away with a scar in your heart, pretty convinced that friends are superficial and fake. I'm sorry that i played a part in proving to you friends will not be there when you need them too. And i know despite all these apologies, you don't feel any better. To be completely honest, I don't hate you, nor dislike you. I just don't really know you. You're just like a very distant friend to me. I don't really know anything about you.

*****

I'm sorry if you were hurt. I know how fragile a girl's heart can be. Because i am a girl too. I don't know if things will ever be the same again after all these, but i just want you to know i've always liked you. You're always so sincere, nice and sweet. You are always sacrificing and putting other people's interest in front of yours. I really admire this about you.

*****

This was supposed to be a happy thing. I realized that human beings will always be selfish and greedy. And i'm not any different. I know that i shouldnt be like this for God will never be happy with me, but it is too late to even try making things right. This whole conflict has ended, needless to say, it din't really end well. But what i can i say? I'm partly at fault too. And i'm not gonna deny that.